She was a GOP congresswoman. Her son is a transgender activist.

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This text has been revised to make clear that the protection invoice that Rep. John Rutherford supported would prohibit the navy’s federal health-care plan from overlaying gender-affirming care amongst trans folks within the navy, however wouldn’t ban the remedies themselves.

“All of those headlines, they’ve bothered me drastically,” Ileana Ros-Lehtinen says.

She is 71, brief, with a giant voice. A former congresswoman, a Republican.

“They, they, they have an effect on me emotionally. And I don’t suppose …”

She is looking on the road in entrance of Le Bon Café, on Capitol Hill, the place a compact SUV is attempting to finish a feat of parallel parking.

“ … that, that automotive’s not going to make it …”

Her 37-year-old son, Rodrigo Heng-Lehtinen, is sitting within the blue bistro chair subsequent to her. He’s stocky and barely bearded, sporting a navy button-down with little timber beneath an oat-colored cardigan. He can’t include his laughter.

The automotive comically backs out and in, out and in.

“I imply, this isn’t—” Ileana started her quip with a straight face, however she’s laughing now, too. “You gotta measure it. Not sufficient room.”

However the headlines. And the legal guidelines.

“Nevertheless it’s simply endless, the onslaught of payments and the press conferences and the hateful phrases. It impacts me emotionally.”

She’s speaking in regards to the animosity towards transgender folks — and criticizing it extra harshly than you may count on from a girl who, as just lately because the Trump administration, was a Republican member of Congress. Then again, Rodrigo is transgender. He got here out as trans to his dad and mom when he was in faculty, in 2007, a chunk of reports that got here as “a shock” to Ileana. However she and her husband had embraced their son’s identification, they usually have since inspired different dad and mom to do the identical — a pointy distinction to the dominant view in her get together, which is brazenly preventing the mainstream acceptance of transgender folks.

Ileana and Rodrigo each have been working the opposite aspect of that battle in their very own Washington methods.

He’s the chief director of the Nationwide Middle for Transgender Equality, an influential advocacy group that lobbies the Biden administration on points associated to transgender Individuals. (“Being trans is on my enterprise card,” he jokes.)

She has been attempting to vary minds in closed-door conversations with Republican officers. (She declined to get into particulars, saying she didn’t need to make anybody uncomfortable by naming names.)

“What would you like in your youngster, would you like your youngster to be joyful?” Ileana says she asks them. “And if that is how your youngster is joyful, and he’s not harming anybody, is main a productive life — what’s the hurt in love and acceptance and considering that each individual that you just see, that’s any person’s household?”

She has a spot across the nook from the cafe, from when she was in Congress; Rodrigo now lives there along with his husband, and Ileana — a lobbyist for Akin Gump who lives part-time in Miami — stays there, too, when she’s on the town. She nonetheless is aware of lots of people on the Hill. Earlier, she had noticed a well-recognized face hurrying alongside on the cobblestone sidewalk.

“Rutherford!” Ileana had known as out from her seat.

A mustached man in a swimsuit had turned towards his title.

“Good to see you my pal!” she stated.

“Give me a hug, lady!” he replied. They kissed cheeks, with the congressman theatrically enunciating, “Mwah!” She cooed: “I miss you, I miss you!” and Rodrigo had risen from his chair.

“My son, Rigo,” Ileana stated.

Hiii, good to fulfill you,” stated Rodrigo.

“Hey! How are you? Good to fulfill you,” the congressman smiled earlier than hurrying alongside.

“He’s a Florida Republican member,” Ileana instructed her son as the person headed off towards the Capitol campus.

Nowadays, being a Republican lawmaker means there’s a good likelihood you’ve voted for an anti-transgender rights invoice within the latest previous. As of Might, GOP state legislators have launched greater than 400 anti-trans payments, a lot of which have grow to be regulation in at the very least 21 states. In Washington, Democratic management of the Senate and the White Home makes help for such payments merely culture-war nectar for conservative hard-liners, in the interim. Nonetheless, Home Republicans in March handed the Mother and father Invoice of Rights Act, which might, amongst different provisions, situation federal funds on faculties offering for parental consent to permit youngsters to vary their names on college kinds or use locker rooms and loos that align with their gender identification. In April, they handed the Safety of Girls and Women in Sports activities Act, which defines intercourse “solely” on “reproductive biology and genetics at beginning” and restricts the power of transgender women and girls to compete on their groups.

Rutherford voted for each of these payments.

A number of weeks after his likelihood encounter with Ileana exterior the cafe, The Washington Publish discovered the Florida Republican within the Rayburn constructing, a ground above Ileana’s outdated workplace.

“My stand on the LGBTQ group,” Rutherford stated, “has at all times been, I don’t suppose anyone ought to be discriminated in opposition to due to who they love and need to affiliate with.”

“I can love the sinner, hate the sin, as a result of I believe it’s incorrect. I believe it’s a sin. Years in the past, it was even thought of a psychological sickness.”

Two days later, he would vote for a protection invoice that bans the navy’s health-care plan from overlaying gender-affirming take care of trans service members.

One on one, they’re extra compassionate, understanding, they usually get the household dynamics,” Ileana says of her Republican colleagues. “However then whenever you get this herd mentality, it’s very troublesome to chop by all of the fog.”

When she got here to Washington in 1989 as the primary Cuban elected to Congress, few folks in nationwide politics knew what being transgender meant. In these days, among the headlines have been about HIV/AIDS, and same-sex marriage was simply changing into a political wedge subject. In 1996, Ileana voted — together with 118 Democrats — to ship the Protection of Marriage Act to Invoice Clinton’s desk, which he signed.

Round 2001, chatter unfold at Rodrigo’s highschool that he preferred each women and men. Of his emotions round gender, he recollects: “The one method I can actually describe it’s like being in a fog.” The rumor prompted a household sit-down in the lounge. When Rodrigo acknowledged that it was true, he says, his dad and mom handled it “as no huge deal, which is the best-case situation.”

In interviews on the time, Ileana cited each Rodrigo and his sister — together with shifting views in her district — as influences on her evolution on homosexual rights. She co-sponsored unsuccessful laws repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Inform” in 2005 after which opposed a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage in 2006. Two years later, she grew to become a founding member of the Home LGBTQ+ Equality Caucus. In 2011, Ileana grew to become the primary Republican to help the Respect for Marriage Act, which might enable same-sex {couples} to wed.

In an NPR interview final December, after Congress lastly handed the Respect for Marriage Act with bipartisan help, Ileana described participating in a “quiet marketing campaign” by the group Conservatives Towards Discrimination to get Republicans on board. “Persons are coming to grasp that they’ve somebody in their very own household or somebody with whom they work or somebody who’s — even somebody of their church — who could also be homosexual,” she stated.

Ileana and Rodrigo hope that social proximity, that private contact, will finally persuade Republicans on points referring to transgender folks.

About 1.6 million folks in the US are transgender, in accordance with an estimate by the Williams Institute. Appears like a big quantity, nevertheless it’s solely about half a % of the inhabitants.

“One of many challenges that I believe the trans group faces is that there simply aren’t that many [of them],” says Trey Grayson, Kentucky’s Republican former secretary of state, who was co-chair, with Ileana, of Conservatives Towards Discrimination. “And so,” he says, “you don’t get to learn as a lot from the, ‘Oh that’s my co-worker, that’s my aunt, that’s my uncle, that’s my boss.’”

For the time being, progress on the Republican aspect won’t be measurable in acceptance however moderately the absence of hostility.

“If you can also make it in order that they don’t deliver up a invoice each week or two that’s on this space, that’s progress, proper?” stated Rep. Mark Pocan (D-Wis.), the co-chair of the LGBTQ+ Equality Caucus, referring to Ileana’s efforts to dissuade her fellow Republicans from difficult the legitimacy of transgender folks. “In the event that they don’t amend each appropriations invoice to have this junk, that’s progress.”

Being a pro-trans Republican stays a knotty paradox. The get together’s presidential candidates know that bashing the politics of gender identification is an efficient technique to fireplace up the bottom. “I’m speaking about chopping taxes, folks go like that,” Donald Trump stated at a Republican occasion in June, mimicking well mannered applause. “Discuss transgender, everybody goes loopy.”

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R), who can be working for president, just lately signed a regulation making it a trespassing offense for trans adults to enter restrooms that align with their gender — a measure that LGBTQ advocates fear will result in arrests. This raised an unsettling query for Rodrigo: Was it protected for him to go to the state? “We’ll have the bail cash,” Ileana shortly stated. “That may be an attention-grabbing take a look at case, although.”

“In some way, she at all times stays constructive and optimistic about it,” Ana Navarro, former Republican strategist and a longtime household pal, stated of Ileana. “However I’d be mad as hell at these awfully bigoted folks which are, frankly, placing a goal on my youngster’s again.”

Since changing into a lobbyist, Ileana has taken on work which will put her in stress with the reason for transgender rights. In 2020, she registered as a overseas agent for the United Arab Emirates, the place being transgender is punishable by a yr in jail, in accordance with Human Rights Watch. Earlier this yr, she took as a consumer the conservative community Americano Media, which touts itself because the Spanish-language twin of Fox Information and runs evaluation and opinion items that criticize transgender activism. The federal disclosure notes the lobbying points as “relationship constructing.” Other than her skilled work, she donated $1,000 every this cycle to the reelection campaigns of Reps. Elise Stefanik (R-N.Y.) and Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.) — former colleagues who’ve been outspoken in opposition to transgender ladies taking part in in ladies’s sports activities. “Sorry, they’re males,” Foxx, who chairs the Home Committee on Schooling and the Workforce, stated throughout an April listening to.

When The Publish contacted Ileana to ask about whether or not she thinks these ties run counter to her advocacy for transgender folks, the ex-congresswoman stated she was touring and unavailable for an interview. And she or he didn’t reply to an inventory of questions on the topic despatched by way of e-mail.

Rodrigo additionally declined to reply questions on these ties over e-mail. In an earlier interview, he stated there was little friction between him and his mom on transgender rights moreover disagreements in regards to the advantageous print of some insurance policies.

“However these are particulars,” he stated. Essentially, he thinks Ileana is unwaveringly on the aspect of transgender folks. “On the finish of the day, we’re attempting to safe trans rights,” Rodrigo stated, “and she or he’s so purchased in on that and the form of violence that we face.”

One wet morning in late June, Ileana got here again house from a breakfast assembly on the Republican Capitol Hill Membership. The Ohio Home of Representatives was scheduled to vote that day on a invoice that will prohibit well being take care of trans minors and stop some trans athletes from taking part in ladies’s sports activities.

She stated that she’d texted three lawmakers to see if she might get them to vary their vote.

Rodrigo tilted his head, replied with resignation: “Oh. Yeeeah.”

It’s onerous to vary minds, irrespective of how private the connection. Being in the identical get together, and even the identical household, is not any assure that two folks will find yourself on the identical web page.

“I don’t know when you bear in mind this,” Rodrigo stated, turning to Ileana. “There was like, a couple of months, the place I received a job on campus that I didn’t inform my dad and mom about, so as to save up cash, in case they kicked me out.”

Her eyebrows pinched collectively. “Oh, Rigo!”

“Properly, and fortunately you didn’t, proper? Thanks, thanks.”

Ay, Dios mío!” Unfathomable, to her.

That they had recognized he was engaged on the aspect, however not why.

Y estabas ahorrando el dinero?” she requested. The cash — was he saving it?

“Yeah! Yeah, and so I had opened a checking account that you just all didn’t learn about, that was Residents Financial institution.”

He’d additionally scoped out an area LGBTQ-friendly clinic. Considered how he’d pay tuition, his payments. “The basics for dwelling,” he known as it, “in the event that they rejected me.”

“Properly, I commend you for being so organized! El alquiler, la salud.”

“Like a prevention technique,” he stated.

They’re each cracking up once more. How dire, how unhappy all of it regarded within the rear view.

Que triste,” stated Ileana. “I imply, we’re laughing, pero que triste.”


A earlier model of this story described Rodrigo Heng-Lehtinen as having an older sister. She is youthful. The story has been up to date.

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