Miss Manners: Is it too late to contact a friend who lost her husband?

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Expensive Miss Manners: A pal that I not often see, apart from on social media, posted a complicated message. As she appeared to be in nice misery, I clicked on the “care” button and figured I might discover out in time what was happening. The messages continued for per week.

Since she appeared to be so distraught, I assumed it was extra well mannered to easily proceed to click on on the “care” button for all of those posts relatively than ask her to elucidate what had occurred. It seems that her husband had died instantly.

Do I ship her a letter of condolence on her loss, with maybe a suggestion to fulfill her for espresso at a while sooner or later? Or, in my confusion, have I exceeded the statute of limitations for giving condolences? I don’t need to make her life worse proper now.

Since you suppose you pushed the “care” button too many occasions? Whether or not that is actually the case or not, metaphorically it’s not doable. Miss Manners assures you a written condolence letter is not going to make life worse for this individual.

Properly, she supposes that will depend on what you write. However expressing disappointment for the lack of this individual is all you’ll want to say. Excuses, apologies or emotional cartoon faces (regardless of how heartfelt) needn’t be conveyed.

Expensive Miss Manners: At any time when I ask somebody a query over textual content or by way of a messaging app, it feels bizarre to me to only ask the query. As an alternative, I at all times begin with “Hello (Identify),” even when I simply talked to them just lately.

I really feel just like the urge so as to add some sort of introduction comes from writing longer emails. Is it impolite to only ask a query over textual content with out some sort of preface? Or is that okay when persons are anticipating a shorter message?

Textual content messaging is, at its core, casual. However Miss Manners shares your affinity for prefacing the topic with “fast query” or a brief greeting. That mentioned, she detests the arresting “hey!” and finds it much more jarring than no greeting in any respect.

Expensive Miss Manners: A pal brings his paper cup of espresso into restaurant. I don’t suppose that is good manners. What do you suppose?

That your pal has an estimation of the restaurant that’s not as favorable as yours.

Expensive Miss Manners: After ready half-hour to be seated in a restaurant, my pal requested the very busy waitress to pattern totally different wines earlier than she ordered a glass. Was this okay below the circumstances? Is it ever okay? I used to be so uncomfortable I discussed it to her. She obtained irate, I left, and it ended our friendship.

Was it price it? Asking to pattern wines at a restaurant isn’t in itself impolite. At some institutions, it’s truly inspired. Abusing the privilege, nonetheless, is irksome and will be exploitative, if the samples develop into the equal of a full glass.

Except this was the latter, or solely the final in a collection of thoughtless behaviors out of your pal, and you’ve got merely had sufficient, Miss Manners suggests you attempt to make amends. And keep away from crowded eating places.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by way of Saturday on washingtonpost.com/recommendation. You may ship inquiries to Miss Manners at missmanners.com. You too can observe her @RealMissManners.

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