What I don’t get is individuals who act prefer it’s no large deal to face in entrance of anybody seated. To me, that’s the top of inconsideration. They appear to get offended and argue with me — irrespective of how well mannered I’m — after I ask them to sit down. I’m starting to suppose that what I contemplate “well mannered” may not meet another person’s definition.
Is there a extra well mannered method for me to ask people to sit down down, or am I out of luck?
Questions on who is being the rudest don’t usually enchantment to Miss Manners, whose mission is to make everybody extra well mannered, to not hold rating.
However asking somebody to sit down down is just not inherently impolite, as long as you phrase it as a query, not a requirement — and might keep away from conveying, on the identical time, what you consider the offender.
Pricey Miss Manners: I belong to a group group that performs mah-jongg as soon as every week. We’re a pleasant bunch that welcomes inexperienced gamers.
Most newcomers are inclined to play very slowly and are conscious they’re holding up the sport. Completely different newbies deal with the scenario in varied methods. For instance, one individual may sit out each different sport, whereas one other may play just one sport every session. Steadily, everybody who likes the sport and sticks with it learns to play and joins in an increasing number of.
There’s by no means been an issue till now. A current addition to the group insists on taking part in each sport. She takes an infinite size of time to determine what tile to discard, checking and rechecking the cardboard for a attainable profitable hand.
The result’s that the remainder of the individuals at her desk spend many of the two hours we now have to play sitting and ready. Now we have tried beginning a low-volume dialog whereas we wait, however she joins in, which solely makes issues worse. Now we have tried in a pleasant method (as we now have executed with others) to provide her some suggestions which might be useful for learners. To this point, she hasn’t adopted our recommendation.
How would Miss Manners deal with the scenario?
You’ll, Miss Manners hopes, contemplate it unsporting in case you hid the principles of the sport from new gamers. So why make them guess on the etiquette?
Agree upon a system, and inform the newcomers what is predicted. Nearly any system will do: that newcomers are assigned a accomplice, are instructed to sit down out each different sport, or are given the responsibility of replenishing the snacks. Any of those would give the extra skilled gamers some reduction.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by means of Saturday on washingtonpost.com/recommendation. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, missmanners.com. You may also observe her @RealMissManners.