Ask Amy: We’re engaged, but she still sleeps in the same bed as her kids’ dad

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Expensive Amy: I’m writing in reference to my current engagement.

I used to be alone for a very long time and met a lady at work and fell deeply in love together with her. Two nights every week, she involves my place for dinner, and we’re intimate. Then she leaves at 10 p.m. Two months in the past, I requested her to marry me and he or she mentioned sure!

However our scenario may be very uncommon. She lives with the man she has been with for 15 years. She has two kids with him. They aren’t married and he or she instructed me there aren’t any emotions or intimacy between them — and I imagine that. However she nonetheless sleeps in the identical mattress with him. I haven’t met her children and my place is simply too small to have them.

So when she involves my place and we’re intimate after which she goes residence, I’ve a tough time coping with that. I attempt not to consider it, however typically it will get the perfect of me.

Any recommendation? Am I being a idiot?

Fiancé: There are totally different classes of fools. You might be within the “fool-for-love” class. Being a idiot for love is nothing to be ashamed of, however since you appear to be affected by love-induced momentary madness, I’m going to bluntly attempt to set you straight.

This isn’t going to work out. In reality, marrying her can be the worst-case state of affairs for you, as a result of then you definately can be with somebody who’s each dishonest and morally bankrupt.

She has kids, and he or she is already stealing time from them to be with you, but when she is the sort of one who would totally abandon her kids to be with you, then this isn’t somebody you possibly can construct a wholesome future with. To this point, you two don’t appear to be even contemplating their welfare.

Folks do cheat on their companions, but when she is engaged to be married to you, each time she goes residence to her household and sleeps together with her accomplice, she is now dishonest on you. That is why you are struggling.

In some unspecified time in the future, you’ll have to emerge from the bubble you are in and get actual about your prospects. I hope you are not too emotionally shredded by then to discover a extra appropriate accomplice.

Expensive Amy: A foolish query, maybe, however I’m in search of how to answer my daughter, who completely loves a sure very long-running medical TV sequence (rhymes with “Shays Calamity”).

My daughter lives in one other metropolis and can usually begin our weekly telephone conversations by wanting to speak concerning the present. Although I take into account it torture, I’ve been forcing myself to observe each week with a purpose to sustain with it. However, Amy, life is simply too quick.

I’d actually wish to be completely discharged from this specific emergency room. Are you able to assist?

Mother: I hear you. Oh, how I hear you.

Liberate your self from watching, however keep linked together with your daughter by asking for her “recap.” Let her let you know who’s sleeping with who, who operated on what, and which character died this week as the results of a contract negotiation with the community.

Expensive Amy: Holding Historical past” wrote about discovering previous pictures of her ex’s members of the family throughout a clean-out. I confronted this precise scenario when cleansing out our residence of 39 years.

I discovered pictures from my deceased sister that included her ex-husband as a baby, his mother and father, and different long-lost relations of his. I made a decision to attempt to discover her ex. Sadly, I found that he and his (second) spouse had been additionally deceased.

They, nonetheless, had a baby that I used to be in a position to find. I despatched him a message by way of Fb Messenger explaining who I used to be and why I used to be contacting him. He replied that he would like to obtain them.

Afterward he contacted me and mentioned he had by no means seen photos of his dad as a child, or photos of his grandparents of their youthful years, and that he couldn’t thank me sufficient. He mentioned it crammed a void in his life. It additionally made me really feel good that I used to be in a position to do that for him.

No Longer Holding: I just lately acquired a duplicate of an essay my mom wrote about 40 years in the past. This got here out of the blue, and from a stranger. I urge anybody who is ready to carry out an identical act of generosity to take action.

© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content material Company.

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