Ask Amy: Friends didn’t want to hang out until I moved to a tourism hotspot

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Pricey Amy: I’m a 53-year-old girl. Due to a demanding job I’ve had for the final 20 years, I’ve some associates, however making new ones could be a battle once I’ve needed to work 14- to 17-hour days.

Extra just lately, I’ve tried to achieve out to 2 ladies I’ve recognized for some time. Sadly, they each have stored their distance — one truly waited till the day after I requested her to lunch, apologizing for “lacking my textual content.” I used to be stung by the brushoff, however tried to present her the good thing about the doubt and waited to see if she would possibly reciprocate the invitation. She didn’t.

I lastly determined that I wanted to alter my way of life, offered my previous home and am shopping for a small place in a really sunny standard vacationer city I’ve all the time liked. My associates have been congratulatory and supportive, together with the 2 ladies who’ve been brushing me off.

They’ve each reached out (individually, they’re not associates with each other) with honest questions on once I can host them and their households for a go to. Amy, I haven’t even closed on my apartment!

Neither of those ladies are making any effort to say goodbye earlier than I depart city. They’ve solely expressed pleasure to go to me 1,800 miles away. I’m high quality leaving these individuals behind, however since one in all them (the identical one who blew off my textual content) has now truly despatched me dates for her future go to to my apartment, I’m at a lack of methods to reply.

I instructed her I’m shopping for a one-bedroom place and that I don’t suppose that she, her husband and kids will probably be comfy sleeping on my sofa (collectively), however she assured me that they’ll “make do.” I don’t wish to inform her off and don’t need this to be twisted into any backlash amongst different mutual associates.

Ought to I simply ignore her textual content messages, like she did mine? I don’t wish to be a doormat, and don’t wish to trigger friction. Is there a response that will probably be each finite, but not “impolite?”

— Resentful Future Hostess

Resentful: In the event you don’t wish to be a doormat, then undoubtedly guard your welcome mat.

This one girl’s gall is kind of extraordinary (she ought to bottle that moxie!). You may ghost her, however I concern which may one way or the other translate to her exhibiting up at the doorstep together with her husband and children. Reply her subsequent self-invitation textual content: “Oops — I’m so sorry I haven’t been clear sufficient. I cannot be internet hosting you and your loved ones in my new house at any level. It’s simply not attainable.”

After which you can ghost, block, ignore, unfriend. Get pleasure from your new life, discover just a few names of guesthouses in your new city, and if individuals invite themselves to go to, you’ll be able to ship them a listing of locations to remain.

Pricey Amy: I’ve been in a relationship with a person for over a yr. He’s variety and beneficiant. He’s clear and attire effectively. There is just one drawback: He has unhealthy breath. His tooth look white, so I don’t know if it’s a well being concern. I don’t take pleasure in kissing him, and he’s not conscious of it.

I don’t wish to damage his emotions. How can I inform him with out coming off impolite or insulting?

Involved: If in case you have been with this man for over a yr and don’t take pleasure in kissing him, he’s probably to pay attention to this drawback on some degree, however he won’t understand that it originates with him. So — think about how issues may be if you happen to truly loved kissing him!

Method this gently. Keep away from phrases like “unhealthy,” “pungent,” “foul.” Say, “I hope it’s okay to carry up this private subject, however I’ve observed one thing … your breath appears ‘off.’ Have you ever been to the dentist just lately?”

Dangerous breath could be attributable to a number of various factors — it isn’t all the time the results of poor oral hygiene. If he is ready to appropriate this drawback, give him optimistic suggestions once you discover an enchancment.

Pricey Amy:Shocked Mother” expressed her dismay that her daughter accused her of principally being a martyr and serving to others an excessive amount of. I couldn’t consider that you just blamed this mother for being a sort and beneficiant individual. We’d like extra individuals like her on this world!

Shocked: You’re proper, however as a result of this serving to habits appeared to intervene together with her relationship, I urged “Shocked Mother” to discover her deeper motivations and the attainable unfavourable penalties of her habits.

© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content material Company.

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